Riccardo's useless Marathon blog

Pains and gains of my training.


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I DID IT!!! OF COURSE.

Dear fans,

I did it: I ran the Edinburgh Marathon!!!

My big fan Quagmire “Oh yeahing”

In your face!!!

My big fan Nelson “Ha-haing” you.

And I got sunburnt.

My awesomely bearded sunburnt face

In my face.

But wait, one step at a time. Let’s start from the beginning.

  • Sunday 27th May 2012

6:00 am – Waking up & getting ready: As I promised I did get up at 6 am. Ridiculous 6 am. And as I promised I had scrambled eggs, a bit of bread and a banana for breakfast. And water. A lot of water. I also waited – and waited and waited – and then finally took a big dump. As I promised. And had a hot shower, always as I promised. I then wore my awesome outfit, drank a Lucozade, chatted with an incredibly-early-awake Marcus and reconsidered the whole thing. I decided to do it anyway and finally made my way to the start line of the Edinburgh Marathon Festival on Regent Road. As expected, there were fans everywhere and I had to sign a few thousand autographs before I got to the start line. Of course. Consumed two bananas and then finally met James. A really hungover James.

James and I, at the start line

9:00 am – At the start line: By 9 o’clock James and I were there, at the start line of the Edinburgh Marathon, both in a shit state. Him, rough as fuck and probably still drunk from the night before, and me, already shattered and eager to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. But still, both there. It was already hot and it could have only gotten hotter. Twelve thousand and six hundred people taking part in the Event were already waiting – between Regent and London Road – to start and another God-knows-how-many-thousand people were there too, giving the runners all the support and the last-minute tips they needed. Speaking of last minute tips: at 9:20 am I had to take a little walk and take some time for myself, as James wisely recommended me.

Me, before the start, pissing out the three lucozades and all the water I had drunk by then.

I then rubbed some vaseline on my thighs, focusing on the groin, taped up my nipples – not a big fan of bleeding nipples – and covered my face and arms with some awkwardly borrowed suncream which I of course sweated off pronto, hence the sunburnt face. Stretched my legs for a bit, took my time to reconsider once again the whole thing, got threatened with death by James in case I bailed out, decided to run and therefore didn’t get killed by James, made my way to my pen, smiled to the ladies and prayed the Lord. It was 9:30 am and there I was: trapped inside the orange pen: the one at the front. Of course. The one the fit runners were starting from. Of course. No need to mention that I was totally out of place. Of course. But they didn’t know it. Maybe.

Me, at the start line, showing some confidence in an awkward attempt to impress the ladies.

At 9:50 am the Edinburgh Marathon 2012 officially started on London Road as the professional runners started hitting the road. Their route and ours would have joined after one mile or so, but we would have had to wait till mile 13 or 14 before we saw them – running in the other direction after the turning point at mile 18 – making their way to the finish line. At 9:55 am on Regent Road we were all set up and ready to go.

The start line of the Edinburgh Marathon Festival 2012 on Regent Road.

One for the fans.

“Oh, hiya!”

10:00 am – Here we go: At exactly 10 o’clock the Edinburgh Marathon Festival 2012 started on Regent Road as well. A lot of excitement and a bit of tension during the countdown and then just excitement as soon as I started putting one foot in front of the other. Behind James taking this pictures there were two hundred thousand fans of mine shouting my name and cheering me. I swear to God.

Me, actually doing it, running the Edinburgh Marathon 2012

What happened during the 26,2 miles between the start and the finish line is hard to explain. Some pictures will be available soon and they’ll show you the state I was in while running all the way to Longniddry and back on the hottest day of the hystory of the whole United Kingdom. But let me tell you that in spite of the shit load of miles you’re supposed to run, the hard training you’re supposed to go through, the stupid diet you’re supposed to be on and the lovely drinks you’re supposed to say no to, I highly recommend everybody to run a marathon. During those 26,2 miles I went through a lot of different feelings and pains. Mainly pains. I learnt about muscles I didn’t even know as soon as they got sore and I learnt new coarse words as soon as I made them up. But I also learnt a lot about people – let me be gay for a second and thank every single member of the crew for being there the whole time giving us water and energy drinks and a slap on the back and good words everytime we needed and also every single person that was there, all the way long, in their own garden, or on the street, or on their bike, or on a walk with the dog or the children, cheering us up, singing for us, supporting us, giving us water and candy and helping us going through the pain and the tiredness – and please let me tell you how awesome everybody has been. Finally, I learnt a lot about myself not only when I crossed the finish line but during the whole marathon but that’s – forgive me – my own business. –

14:19 pm – At the finish line – After 4 hours 19 minutes and 51 seconds I crossed the finish line, in Musselburgh where five hundred thousand supporters of mine were waiting. I swear to God. No need to say that I was knackered. Knackered but insanely happy and so so so proud of myself. And looking awesome. Of course. Finishing my first – but not last! – marathon and doing it in such a good time and with such weather was – and still is – awesome. I crossed the finish line in the middle of a sprint that started 1,5 miles before and finished just a few yards after it when I collapsed on the floor of the football pitch where the finish line was, straight after being given the medal and the finisher t-shirt and a goody-bag with water and other stuff. I don’t want to talk about the three miles I had to walk because my legs were literally not working anymore so I won’t. But I will focus on the fact that I am awesome and I ran a marathon and you didn’t.

A really really really tired but happy me, at the finish line

It did then take me about two hours to find/be found by James and Louise and another two hours to get home but – believe me – I was – and still am – the happiest cunt alive and even though my legs are still pretty fucked today I have to say that finishing the marathon is one of the best feeling ever and it is a big achievement that makes me proud of myself. Especially because it got me free drinks at the pub all night – yes, I went to the pub the very night of the marathon, that’s how awesome I am! – but I’ll get there…

So now once again I want to thank everyone who believed in me – family, friends, blog followers – and also everyone who didn’t – family, friends, blog followers – , everyone that supported me donating money through my justgiving webpagewhich is gonna be online for three more months so that you can all still donate to Save the Children – and everyone who didn’t, everyone who was there – Marcus, Michele, Junio and Louise thanks for coming and of course James thanks for everything you’ve done – and everyone who wasn’t but wanted to be and is happy for me – mainly because I didn’t drop dead – and everyone who gave me free drinks all night – Chris and Robbie, cheers! – and everyone who shared a drink with me – at the Drop first and at Opium then – and of course all of yous for reading this blog and supporting me.

James and I at the finish line

So yeah, another post will follow soon and I will hopefully be able to publish some official pictures so that you can all see how fucking tired I was and of course looked – still awesome though! – during the 26,2 mile run. For now, I’ll leave you with this picture of mine I took on the bus home between an autograph and another.

Me and my medal.

Catch you later.

Love, Riccardo.

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LESS THAN 12 HOURS!

Dear fans,

Here we are: in less than 12 hours I’ll be finally running the Edinburgh Marathon.

My awesome Race Number, which is also my predicted time: 5684 hours, and my super relaxed expression.

In fact: in less than 12 hours I’ll be already out of breath. In less than 12 hours my knees will be sore as fuck. In less than 12 hours I’ll be sunburnt. In less than 12 hours I’ll be asking myself “Why???” every two seconds. In less than 12 hours I’ll be somewhere along the coast, lost and depressed. In less than 12 hours I’ll be hating my life.

Yep, here we are.

I still don’t know/remember how this whole marathon thing started. I don’t know how I got into this but to be honest I’m happy I did. Not sure I’ll still be happy tomorrow though. Or monday, or tuesday… I don’t know why I haven’t been training enough. Don’t know why I drank so much. Don’t know why I didn’t eat healthy food. Don’t know why I didn’t change my mind. Don’t know why I started this blog. But what I know is that I am happy I am here – doing or not doing the all above-mentioned things – with less than 12 hours to go and a lot of excitement and a bit of worry. Excitement because it’s something I have been working on – kind of – for five months and it really is a big achievement – if I finish it… – and I can’t wait to see the faces of all the cunts that still don’t believe I’m doing this. Worry because it is a 26 mile run – and I am probably not ready for it – and my body will be well fucked after it but especially because of the weather.

Edinburgh, right now.

I am also a bit worried about my knees and my reputation but then again: my knees probably need surgery anyway and most of all what reputation? And then again: in case I won’t be able to finish the marathon – but hopefully I will – I’ve already got a plan anyway. Geoffrey the Butler’s one. Oh, yeah.

Also, because I don’t know how long it’ll take me to update this blog after tomorrow – I don’t even know if I will still be alive after tomorrow… – I seize the opportunity to thank every single person that supported me donating to Save the Children through my justgiving webpagelet’s not forget that the reason why I am running this marathon is charity! -, and every single person that will do it over the next days. Thank you! I want to thank everyone who’s been an encouragement and everyone who’s been a twat as well. It’s thanks to your support/mistrust that I kept going. Thank you! And of course I want to thank every single person that read, followed, shared, liked and talked about this blog. Hopefully some more posts will follow soon. So thank you too!

How I feel, right now.

So yeah, the day has finally come: tomorrow – May 27th – I will be running the Edinburgh Marathon and we will all see who will laugh last. Probably you though, not gonna lie.

You, when you laugh.

But let’s talk about today. Today I finally behaved as a proper athlete. Finally. Except from the fact that proper atheltes don’t have to work. But I had to. On a saturday. After pay day. With 25°C outside. On a saturday. If you know what I mean. Anyway, I finally behaved. Had proper food for both lunch and dinner – granting that sainsbury’s pasta can be considered proper food – , drank 3 litres of water – so far – and not a single drop of alcohol – so far – , have been peeing Highland Spring Water all day – went for a wee something like a million times – and I am planning on going to bed soon – ish – . A proper athlete. Oh, yeah.

But in a bunch of minutes it’ll be tomorrow: the big day and I now have to go and get some sleep. Will get up at 6am, eat some eggs and a banana and drink some more water for breakfast, wait until I take a big dump, take a big dump, take a nice room-temperature shower, wear my awesome running outfit, drink a lucozade or two on my way to the start line, sign a thousand or two autographs, run the marathon, sign another thousand or two autographs, go to the pub, get people to buy me drinks, get steaming – totes -, get laid – maybe – and wake up on monday in a shit state. A proper athlete. Oh, yeah.

So fellas, wish me luck!

…Because I need it!

I really do.

Riccardo