Riccardo's useless Marathon blog

Pains and gains of my training.

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Dear fans,

I’ve just come back from the gym and I’m just about to go the pub to drink off the 7.5 km I just ran but first I’d like to take few minutes to tell you what happened since my last post on this blog.

First of all I’d like to praise my new shoes highly: they’re awesome. Today I ran 7.5 km in 45 minutes –I voluntarily took it easy, trying to work a bit more on my stamina– but I could have kept going. –Yeah, sure.– I had to stop though, because my mates were waiting for me at the pub. Like they’re there right now, waiting for me. Really.

My mates, getting older, waiting for me outside the pub.

Anyway this shoes are the best purchase I’ve ever made. Even better than that incredibly awesome hawaiian shirt that I bought last year for a few quid and that I proudly and drunkenly wear here. Not lying.

The main point of this post though is about telling you what happened no longer than two hours ago outside the gym. A bunch of supporters of mine were waiting for me eager to show me all their disappointment. They said they’ve been waiting for me since last night: they were furious, they were yelling at me and they were ripping up pictures and posters of mine. Some of them, by the way, were signed and No, I’m not sending you a new one if you tore yours.

A bunch of silly fans waiting for me -and yelling injurious phrases at me- outside the gym.

Once I reached the main entrance where the promoters were standing, I tried to calm them down talking to them but it didn’t work. I tried to calm them down telling them funny jokes but it didn’t work. I tried to calm them down giving them a tenner each but it didn’t work. With two of them it did work to be honest but I only had twenty quid on me and I couldn’t keep going. Eventually they calmed down and three representatives came to talk to me. Long story short: they’re still supporting me and they appreciate what I am doing and all the efforts I am making but there’s one thing that they can’t really take: lies. “What are you on about?” I peacefully asked. “You lied. -they said- You don’t know Paolo Nutini!!!” And they all shouted “Paolo Paolo Paolo!!!” several times. “HA! -I laughed- I don’t? I DON’T? -I then isterically shouted- Well check the blog later on you cunts!” Then I left and went inside for a nice and useful training session with my awesome shoes, ignoring them and their stupid insults.

So here I am my dears, enjoying my crushing victory on those twats posting a photo of Paolo and I.

Paolo and I.



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I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right.

That’s what I said on the phone to my mate Paolo no longer than two hours ago when he called me straight after my training session at the gym. But let’s start over.

WEDNESDAY – First day OFF after nine or ten -can’t remember- shifts in a row and of course I slept till 3pm. Managed to leave the flat at 4-ish pm, went for a massive lunch with some mates and then finnaly got my new running shoes from this shop. The shop assistant was really sound and made me run on the treadmill bare foot so that we could analyze together on video the way I run. It turned out that I run as any other human being: wrong but not that much. He then recommended and brought me a pair of shoes on sale -still £65 though- made by Brooks. This one, to be precise. I put them on –they felt great!– and then ran again for a bit on the treadmill, this time in front of a few camera-equipped and incredibly out-of-tune supporters.


Then I had a massive dinner, disintegrated Marcus at FIFA12, had a few drinks, went to bed, dreamt about naked women -as always- and then woke up this morning.

THURSDAY – After an eight hours shift -what an interesting day considering that I managed to sum it up in 5 words, uh?- it was time to try the new shoes on so I went with Marcus to the gym at something like 9:30pm. Yes, Marcus. Unbelievable uh? I ran 6,1 km (2,8km-2 minutes break-3,3km) in 32 minutes altogether and felt great. Marcus ran next to me for a while then went working out, according to him… Anyway after that my legs weren’t sore at all: neither the shins nor the calfs. Must say that I was a bit short of breath though.

Me, a tiny wee bit short of breath

On my way back home my mate Paolo phoned me and yeah -as I was saying earlier on- I was telling him how everything was right with the new shoes on. He asked me a few questions about these new shoes and how I felt with them on and all that stuff and then thanked me and hung up. He phoned me back a wee while after that and he told me that my story inspired hime for a new song. He was so excited that in less than an hour he wrote both music and lyrics, recorded the song and filmed the video too. He also asked me to publish it here, since my blog is so popular all around the world and he’s still fledgeling, so here it is. Enjoy.

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Dear fans,

We need to talk.

As you might have noticed I haven’t updated this blog for a wee while and we all know what that means. Yeah: I have been to the gym just monday and tuesday -that’s it!- and yeah: we need to talk.

Things are a bit different from the way I thought they would have been and maybe this whole marathon-thing isn’t just right. I mean let’s face it: running for 26 miles? Really? What for? That’s like running for four hours, isn’t it? Why the fuck should do such a ridiculous thing? Why? Uh?

My big fan Will's -and probably your- reaction

Now that’s what a loser would write on his own marathon blog but I ain’t no loser. I think. I mean I have a marathon blog, I know, but I am not a loser. It’s true that 26 miles are shit load of miles and that I haven’t been to the gym since tuesday but that’s just because I have been really busy doing other stuff such as working or drinking or ironing -first time in my life- my best shirt -took me ages-. The main reason why I haven’t trained for that long though is because -basically- I was running with the wrong shoes -and probably in the wrong way- and that made my legs really sore. Like a lot.

My amazing Air Max 90 that are great for everything but not for running

So I’ve been told about this shop in town where they put you on a treadmill to see how you run so they can help you improving -or learning if you’re a complete twat- how to do it and then recommend you the best shoes for you and all that stuff. I’ve got this funny feeling that the best shoes for me are gonna be the most expensive in the shop but I may be wrong… Anyway I will go there tomorrow morning before work -Ha! Good one…- and will let yous know. Hopefully they’ll find a -cheap- solution to this inconvenience and I will be able to start running again soon. I’ve also checked online how to run -I’ve checked how to iron a shirt too by the way and for some weird reason I found this video here particularly instructive- and I came across this.


Barney Stinson -a well-rounded role model- with such a brilliant speech gave me back all the enthusiasm and the charge I needed. Thank you great -not to mention fictional- Barney!

And now, if you want to excuse me, I really have to go. It’s 9:30 pm: time to put some other Barney Stinson’s words of wisdom into practice. Yes, I’m talking about pulling birds.